Finding Forgiveness
by TashiK
Summary: Two people are bought to together one day as a damaged young woman wants to throw herself off a bridge. Will their love be enough?
1. Chapter 1

Finding forgiveness.

That person over there wasn't me, standing over the bridge ready to jump over the edge, at the first opportunity. That wasn't me standing there having given up on life and love. I was looking from the outside as I wasn't like that. I hadn't lost hope like she had. I wasn't one to consider taking my own life. I needed to help her but how could I. What could I do to save her from this path? The first question that sprang to mind was why. Then I had to ask the question how. How did a person get to that point? Surely a person can always find a way out of the depression or sadness? Surely there was help available to prevent people from getting to this point. I had to wonder though as I couldn't wrap my mind around it.

I felt the cool breeze brush my burning cheeks, as its icy fingers touched my skin I flinched. I didn't want to feel anything. I didn't want to remember what being alive felt like. Every cell in my body prickled with anticipation. It was as if my body was fully aware of what I was about to do and it was crying out in protest. It was amazing how fully alive I felt now that I had reached the end. I noticed everything around me letting it sink in for the last time. The couples walking hand in hand with love and hope still left in their eyes. The sky which was a brilliant blue and the sea below which now was a mixture of blue and green and it called to me invitingly. The cars hooting impatiently in the hope of eventually reach their destination in a reasonable time. I was surprised at how calm I actually was considering I was leaning over the bridge which I was about to jump off of into the icy waters below to where I wouldn't have to feel anything anymore. I wouldn't have to face the person who I was and everything that I could never be. I wouldn't have to face the reality of my dreams that could never truly be mine. How could he have left me this way thinking that I would be better off? How could he have said that I could love someone else? Why Why Why???? I stopped my mind running along that track again as I knew if I started thinking of him again it would make this so much harder. There was a job that I had to do and I was going to do it that's for sure.

My thoughts now drifted to the people that I would be leaving behind. My mother who wouldn't really miss me as she had made her choices in life and she had chosen drugs and alcohol to be her companions for the rest of her life and I couldn't change that. My dad who I had never met and I'm sure he didn't even know that he was about to lose a daughter in this world. My sister I knew would miss me but I just wasn't strong enough to stay for her. There was just too much that I wasn't strong enough to face. Everybody had their faults and I had mine. I wasn't like my sister who was successful and beautiful and everything that I wasn't and never would be. I felt a twinge of sadness when I thought of Mia as deep down I had always loved her and had an enormous of respect for her but I had broken our bond with all my mistakes and the pain I had caused her. She had been taking care of me her entire life and I was finally setting her free now. It would be my final gift to her. She deserved to be happy and free from the chaos that followed me everywhere I went like a parasite that just refused to let go of me.

I felt tears starting to fill up in my eyes. I cursed them as they betrayed what I was feeling. I didn't want the memories to fill my mind now as it would make it so much harder. I wanted to finally be strong enough for just this once in my life. To be brave enough to do what I was about to do. I wanted to free my mind of anything that would make me turn around.

I placed my hand on the edge of the barrier and slowly climbed over looking down at the sea. I held on the barrier and closed my eyes as I thought it would be easier if I couldn't see where I would ultimately be plunging into. Now I could feel my heart beating erratically. How amazing it was to have a beating heart that meant there was still life flowing through me. Suddenly a sense of fear overcame me as I allowed myself to truly think about what it would truly feel like when my body reached that icy water. I scolded myself as this was one time I would not be a coward. I took a deep breathe and let my one arm hang loose. Now it was only my one arm which kept me from the water below. I willed myself to let go but my arm wouldn't listen to my brain. I was frozen suspended between life and death. Then all of a sudden I heard the most beautiful voice shouting at me

"Wait stop don't do it"

I turned my head slightly and looked into the kindest golden eyes that I had ever seen.

"Please just leave me alone" I pleaded as I couldn't believe that I was going to falter at the last moment.

"I'm not leaving until you come with me and explain to me why you are about to jump off a bridge?"

I looked into his eyes and could see the determination in them.

"Look you don't understand. It's nothing to do with you. Please just leave me be"

"Help me to understand then. I'm involved now so I won't be going anywhere. Please give me your hand and let me help you."

"I'm sorry I can't. I'm not strong enough."

"Never say that as I can see that you are strong enough.. You don't want to do this."

I looked away from his face then as I didn't want to see the kindness or pity for me there. It was too much for me. Why couldn't he just let me do what I came here to do?

"I'm beyond saving." I looked at him one last time and jumped. It was the most amazing feeling while I was freefalling. I had never felt so utterly free ever in my life before.

My body shuddered violently as it touched the icy water and then everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

Chap 2

I felt as if I were floating. The feeling was new to me and I welcomed it with open arms. That was the point of the whole exercise. It was so that I wouldn't have to feel anymore. Maybe I was dead and this was heaven. I could feel my body struggling against the water but my legs and arms stayed numb. I couldn't find the strength in me to make them move. I felt a sense of peace envelope me in its warm embrace and I let the water take over as it pulled me deeper and deeper. Then I felt pressure on my arm and I started drifting upwards. I felt that I wasn't in my body and I didn't struggle against the pressure. I was vaguely aware of feeling something bang hard against my chest. It felt strange to me and I wondered if I was supposed to feel anything when I was dead. I became aware of a voice, I tried to understand where it was coming from and what I was supposed to do but I couldn't make any sense of it. I felt banging on my chest again. The voice carried on shouting and it started to become clearer.

"Come you have to live, breathe." He said anxiously

I started panicking as I didn't want to survive. That was why I jumped off the bridge. I wanted to get away from this life so badly. I wanted to escape. Why couldn't they just leave me alone?

I opened my eyes slowly. I choked up a lot of water and eventually I was able to speak.

"What are you doing?" I asked

"I was saving your life, why did you jump off that bridge?" He demanded breathlessly. I could see he was exhausted from his efforts.

"Why did you save me? Did you jump in after me?'

"That's a stupid question and yes I did."

"You shouldn't have done that." I said sadly

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't have saved you?" he retorted

"I could give you plenty." I muttered. How dare this stranger stop me from gaining the freedom from this life that I so desperately sought.

"Come I need to get you to a hospital. I think that your body has had quite a shock. You need to get checked out."

"Please just leave me here. I wish you had not jumped in after me." I complained. I just wanted him to stop talking. I wanted to close my eyes. I was so tired.

"Well there was no way that I was going to stand by and watch you kill yourself."

"Why does it matter to you?" I asked angrily but I don't think it had the desired effect as my voice was very weak.

"Well sorry to disappoint you but I was here and I think it was meant to be. I was here because I was meant to stop you."

Just then I felt myself being lifted from the ground. I felt dizzy and exhausted. The stranger's arms felt oddly comforting against my cold, trembling body. I felt protected which seemed funny to me considering I had never met this man in my life before. I mused over this silently as he carried me.

"So what is your name?" He asked as he walked at a steady pace. My weight didn't seem to be any trouble for him. He carried me as if I were a feather. I studied his face as he held me. He had a gentle kind face. His dark, short hair contrasted nicely with his fair skin. His lips curved upwards in a very sensual way.

"My name is Emily."

"Well Emily, I'm Oliver. It is nice to meet you, although I wish it were under better circumstances. I don't normally jump into the ocean on the first date." He teased. Then he smiled at me. He had a gorgeous smile; one that I'm sure had melted many girls' hearts in the past. He came to a stop then and I moved my head slowly to look around. He opened the door of a silver Volvo which I assumed was his. He placed me gently in the seat and closed the door. The door closing made me jump as every sound sounded too loud in my sensitive ears. The car lurched forward and the dizziness became worse. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on anything but the nausea. I tried to remember that feeling of exhilaration that I had felt when I had jumped. I felt something soft touch my face gently.

"Hey Emily stay with me ok."

I opened my eyes reluctantly

"Ok" I whispered and my eyes closed again

I had to admire him for jumping in and saving me but he just had no idea what a lost cause I was. My eyes opened abruptly when the car came to a stop. I looked up and saw the huge hospital staring menacingly at me. It was almost as if it sensed that I didn't want to be there, that I didn't want this second chance I had been given. He lifted me out the car gently, as if I were extremely fragile, like I would break at the slightest touch. Maybe I was breakable; right now every part of me ached. He spoke to the nurse in an anxious voice. I wondered why he seemed to care so much if I lived or died. I couldn't figure out why he would have gone to so much trouble. The nurse led us to the waiting room and he sat patiently in the chair holding me tightly. We waited for what seemed like hours before a doctor could see me but eventually it was my turn. The doctor was friendly enough and asked me how it happened. I was glad when I didn't have to answer and Oliver answered for me. He told the doctor that I had leant to far over and falling into the ocean. I was so grateful that he didn't say I had been trying to commit suicide. I didn't want to answer any more questions right now. The doctor wanted me to stay for a night of observation. Oliver never left my side, until the nurse gave me a sedative so that I could sleep to recover from the shock of everything that had happened that day. The last thing I saw before I drifted were his golden eyes full of anxiety.

I opened my eyes the next morning to the bleak white walls of the hospital and I groaned. All the memories came back, punching me with the realization again that I had failed in my mission. The funny thing was I didn't feel angry anymore that I was still alive. Gratitude that I didn't want to feel flooded through me putting it all into perspective that I had chosen not to see before. I owed so much to Oliver who had risked his own life to jump in after me. He had saved me from my own stupidity and hopelessness. I was still here thanks to him. Just then a familiar voice burned my ears. A voice that, I had never wanted to hear again. I sat up bolt right and I started shaking violently as he stepped through the door.

"Emily." He muttered angrily

"What are you doing here Ryan?' I spat

"I'm here because you seem determined to punish me with your recklessness. The hospital called me and so here I am.'

"Well thanks for coming you can leave now." I almost shouted.

"Emily you're my wife and I'm not going anywhere and neither are you."

I shuddered at the force of his words.

"I'm not going to be your wife anymore. Perhaps the divorce papers weren't enough of a clue for you."

"I won't sign them."

"Do what you want; nothing can make me stay with you. You don't scare me anymore. Please leave now."

"Fine I will respect your wishes but I will not give up until you agree to take me back."

I ignored his pleading eyes and pointed towards the door. I watched to make sure he went out the door and fell back against the pillow feeling relieved that he had finally left.


End file.
